Affliction of an Uchiha
by lionheartilly
Summary: A touch on Sasuke's thoughts and feelings, after Tsunade heals him from the Tsukuyomi Itachi inflicted on his younger brother. Slight SasuSaku.


Affliction of an Uchiha

If it hadn't of been for Tsunade's healing techniques, a boy by the name Sasuke Uchiha would have never woken up from the broken mind that Tsukuyomi had inflicted on him. Sasuke's mind was broken, crushed as his older brother and a member of a group of S-class, rogue criminal ninja known as the Akatsuki, Itachi Uchiha, held him by throat, confirming low, precise and cold, how weak the younger Uchiha was, how he didn't carry enough hate in his heart to destroy him, and how he never would, right before he made Sasuke repeatedly watch his family, his entire clan, be murdered and slaughtered like livestock in a slaughterhouse, over and over and over again for 24 hours straight. It never stopped. His mind, already fragile, cracked and fell to pieces, and Sasuke found himself falling into an infinite darkness with splatters of blood and agonizing screams of the people he loved whirling around him.

Sasuke tumbled, head over heels as he cried out, clutched his head, pleading for the images burned into the backs of his retinas to disappear, but they would not. He would never forget the Uchiha massacre, seeing his entire clan butchered and laying dead surrounded by blood in the streets. He would never forget the sight of rushing home, only to find his mother's body on top of thick pool of blood, and his father's body laying over top of his mother's. The two Uchiha lay motionless, mouths slightly open, dripping with blood, and when he peered up into the shadows, none other than his older brother, Itachi Uchiha, was standing there, the Sharingan in his eyes gleaming an angry red, a sword held in his hand as it dripped with fresh blood of his slaughtered parents.

And all the little boy, at the tender age of 7, could do was cry and ask his brother why. He couldn't attack the older ninja, even though he tried, and all his older brother did was punch him in the stomach. Over, and over, like a movie scene on repeat. Sasuke watched as Itachi slaughtered their entire clan one by one and begged to know why Itachi was showing him this. All around him were the sounds of the Uchiha screams, the sounds of blood splattering, the sounds of bodies falling, and then, out of nowhere, all was quiet. Darkness cloaked the young Uchiha once more, but this time it was welcoming, and he fell into it, closing his eyes and he knew no more.

Something was warm and soft against Sasuke's once throbbing head, and he could feel a strange sensation radiating into his head as though it were slowly wrapping it's gentleness around the confines of his mind. It was slightly alarming and yet he accepted it gratefully. It was almost healing. He groaned softly as light poured into his face, and he began slowly forcing his eyes open. There was no more darkness, no more splatters of blood, no more bodies of his fallen clan, no more screams, no more death. Only brilliant, bright light. He awoke, realizing a hand was pressed tenderly to his forehead, and voices so familiar began resounding around him. His heart pounded in his chest.

"Sasuke!" came the first voice, and he listened to how thrilled the voice sounded. Yeah, that was definitely him. But how did he get here? And how did they get there? As a matter of fact... where was he anyway? His thoughts were interrupted another voice, feminine, soft and full of emotion. _Sakura..._

"Oh, Sasuke," she breathed, and he felt the hand on his forehead move back. Slowly, he pushed himself up in the bed he'd found himself laying in, trying to understand what all had just transpired. He was still exhausted, albiet clearly healed, and he stared down tiredly at his sheets, his eyes devoid of any life or shine. Physically he might have been healed, but his mind... he wasn't sure what to make of anything just yet. "Sasuke!" came the female's cry once more, and before the boy knew it, a sea of pink and maroon was throwing her arms around his neck and holding him close.

"Hey, you're back!" came the boisterous voice of his other friend, and his onyx eyes glanced upward to see Naruto standing there cheerfully, his bright blue eyes opened wide. He dropped his eyes back down and could feel the pink haired girl shaking against him, her head laying up against his own, her hand on the back of his neck, fingers intertwined in his black spikes, and she wept, softly, happy that he was alive, relieved that he was awake, and that he was going to be okay, or so he assumed, but was he going to be okay? Sasuke watched Naruto's wide, toothy grin fade into a small smile before he turned and walked out of the room. He noticed Naruto beckon to the blond haired woman standing beside him, the one who had just healed him, he presumed, and the two, along with another woman whom had been inside of Sasuke's room, followed along with them, leaving himself and Sakura alone.

Working to wake himself up more, Sasuke focused on his body for a moment. His wrist was no longer broken. His throat no longer seared from the grasp Itachi had had on it, and his body no longer ached and throbbed from being forcefully beaten and attacked by his older brother. Physically, he felt better, though still tired. His attention was drawn back to the sobbing genin. He could feel her tears dripping off of her face and down his shirt, soaking the collar and into his skin. Sasuke sighed and slowly raised a hand to place it on Sakura's back. "Sakura," was the first word he spoke. He was shocked out how fragile and weak from lack of use his own voice sounded to his ears. "Stop crying, already," he continued. "I'm awake now." Sakura pulled back from him, her hands still on his shoulders as she surveyed every inch of his face. It was though she had to reassure herself that he was really back and he was really okay. The Uchiha boy stared back into her pale green eyes, still filled with tears and he smirked. "You're so annoying."

"Sasuke, I'm sorry," Sakura stammered, removing her hands from his shoulders. "It's just... I just...," she couldn't seem to form proper words and held a fist to her mouth, squeezing her eyes shut as tight as she could get them, Sasuke assumed, in order to prevent more tears from forming. That was so typically Sakura.

He sighed once more, his voice softening and reached a hand out to lay on her wrist. "I know, Sakura." Sakura's head jerked upward, eyes open wide once more as she looked back at him, surprised by the almost tenderness in his voice. "So please. Just stop it already. Alright?" He withdrew his hand, unsure of how to really go about comforting the shaken girl, and feeling a twinge of guilt that it was him who put her in this state yet again.

"R-right," the young genin attempted to compose herself. She rubbed the tears off of her face and offered the Uchiha a weak smile. "Is there anything you need? Anything I can get you? Something I can do to help?"

"Water would be nice," Sasuke replied, turning his black head at the curtain surrounding his hospital bed. Too many times had he been in this place and he was just about sick of it. Sakura gave him a short bow before rushing from the room, leaving the young Uchiha to his own thoughts. His thoughts dove back to the last thing he remembered, and that was seeing Itachi's smug face, and his own blind rage at just merely glimpsing his older brother. He really had the audacity to show up the way he did and tell him he didn't interest him? Sasuke grit his teeth, as anger attempted to creep up on him and gripped at his bed sheets. He still hadn't gotten any better, even with the Chidori. What had he been doing all of this time? He wasn't getting any stronger. He wasn't getting any faster, and at this rate, he'd never be able to defeat Itachi. Sasuke was torn from his thoughts as Sakura reappeared in his room. In her hands she wheeled in a tray, one with a plate of apple slices, and another with a large pitcher of ice cold water and an empty glass beside it. She wheeled the tray to Sasuke's bedside and pulled a chair up to sit down next to him.

"I thought maybe you might be hungry since you haven't eaten anything. Apples are really good for you, and should go easy on your stomach since it's been awhile since you last ate," Sakura blushed as she poured him a glass of water. He took it from her, thanking her silently with her eyes and took a sip, relishing the feel of the cold water trickling down the back of his dry, parched throat. He took a longer sip and then another until he'd practically drained the entire glass. "Slow down, Sasuke," Sakura scolded him gently. "You drink too much too fast and you'll make yourself sick."

Saskue grumbled and ignored her, feeling a familiar rumble in his stomach and he realized he hadn't eaten in what may have been days, weeks, who knows how long he'd been out. He wasn't even sure what day it was, or what the date was, or what time it was. He reached out for an apple slice, and bit down. Sakura began chatting animatedly to him as he ate, but Sasuke didn't really hear everything that was said. His mind was too busy focusing on one thing, and that was Itachi Uchiha. As much as he hated to admit it, his brother made short work of him, and the more he thought about, it more it infuriated him, but it also hurt. Nobody knew of the feelings Sasuke held stored behind a locked gate, somewhere deep in his heart, but himself and nobody ever would. He was so lost in his own thought, that he never noticed the woman that had healed him and Naruto arrive back in his hospital room.

"Oh! Lady Tsunade! He just ate some apples and has had some water, and we've been talking," Sakura stated as Tsunade talked with her. The blond woman nodded her head and turned eyes to look at the black haired boy sitting up and very much awake now. "He seems to be feeling better." Sasuke watched Sakura's eyes shining and her face lighting up with a warm smile, and he couldn't help but feel a sense of gratitude toward her.

"Hey! Lookin' a lot better, Sasuke!" Naruto greeted with enthusiasm. "You'll be outta here before you know it!"

"Well, it's only been awhile, but you look much better now than you did earlier," the blond, double-pony tailed woman known as Tsunade pointed out, and Sasuke scowled in response. "If you're ready to leave the hospital, feel free to do so, but for this next week you need to take it easy. You've been through quite an ordeal, young man. No hard training, until I do a routine check up on you one week from today." Sasuke stared back hard. _No training? She has got to be kidding me. How am I ever going to get strong enough to defeat Itachi if I don't train hard every single day? Doesn't she get that! _

"Tch!"

Tsunade continued, not missing a beat. "I've been somewhat filled in on your situation. It's not my place to tell you what I think, so I understand you have something that you need to do, but in order to do it, you won't be able to until you're back to full strength. Use this week to rest up, heal and spend time with your friends. When I see you next week, I'll let you know if you're ready to get back to training and missions," Tsunade spoke with an air of authority, her arms folded over her ample chest, head held high and eyes closed. She opened them both and gave Sasuke a sharp staredown. "Understood?"

Sasuke growled, and turned his head, looking at the ruffled curtain next to his bed once more. "Yes," he huffed, sounding obviously miffed.

"Good. Sakura, help the Uchiha boy gather his things and get him home. I want you and Naruto to keep a close eye on him this next week and make sure he doesn't try anything he's not supposed to. Now I must go. I have other matters to attend to." She swept from the room, leaving Sakura and Naruto alone with Sasuke.

"Welllll, you heard the lady! Let's get you home, Sasuke!" Naruto exclaimed, gathering up the back that held all of Sasuke's belongings.

"Do you think you can stand up?" Sakura asked worriedly, as Sasuke kicked back the sheets from the hospital bed. He slowly swung his legs around and felt his bare feet touch the cold tile of the hospital floor. Right there more than ever he wanted to get out of this place. He was sick to death of hospitals, the smell of them, the look of them, the general feel of them. It made him nauseous. Sakura reached out her hand to grab ahold of his elbow while Sasuke slowly rose to his feet, feeling rather unsteady at first. His legs felt like jello underneath him, but no matter. He was going to ignore that and get up and walk around. He had something to prove and that was that he wasn't as weak and helpless as everyone seemed to think he was. Naruto dashed over to Sasuke's other side to grab his friend's arm and help him to his feet.

"I'm fine," Sasuke sighed in exasperation. "Would you both please let go of me now?" He jerked his arms away from his friends and turned his back toward them. Sasuke took a few steps around the hospital room, before gathering up his bag. "Now why don't you two leave so I can shower and get changed?" He glared at the both of them. Sakura and Naruto exchanged glances. "I can do this on my own. I can walk home by myself. I don't need anyone's help. I'm not that weak."

"Sorry, Sasuke. We were just trying to help," Sakura apologized, lowering her head and walking out of Sasuke's hospital room. Naruto stared at Sasuke questioningly before excusing himself and bowing out as well. Saskue grabbed the door and slammed it shut behind his two friends. He wasn't so pathetic that he couldn't bathe and dress himself or walk himself home. He opened up his bag and began pulling out his clothes. His blue shirt with the Uchiha crest on the back, his white shorts, his shoes, his arm warmers, and his Hidden Leaf forehead protector. He'd noticed that someone had taken the liberty to washing his clothes and folding them neatly in his bag. His pack with his kunai, wire and shuriken were tucked inside of his bag as well.

Sasuke sighed as he walked to the small bathroom attached to his hospital room and stepped inside, turning on the shower nozzle. He stripped out of his hospital attire and stepped under the cascading warm water and sighed, closing his eyes and lowering his head, allowing the water to hit the back of his head and run down his body. He placed one hand against the wall, holding himself up as he let the water wash away weeks worth of sweat and grime, and wishing the water could just wash away everything else that had happened, wash his mind fresh of the horrible memories that plagued him everyday, and new memories that would haunt him now as well.

Every time he closed his eyes, he could see Itachi's sneering face and hear his cold, emotionless, uncaring voice. He shampooed his hair, lathered up his body and let the water rinse away the suds, closing his eyes as water fell into them and leaning his head back as the pressure of the water coursed through his black spikes, trying hard to make his mind go blank, but something inside of him had changed, had shifted, and the mere thought of Itachi was enough to set him off again. He took controlled breaths, so as not to punch a hole through the wall of the shower and maintained his composure. He shut off the shower, stepped out, grabbed a fresh, white clean towel laying on the small sink in the bathroom and wrapped it around his waist. He dug in his bag for his toothbrush and brushed his teeth. Sasuke glanced at himself in the mirror, staring hard at his own face. His eyes looked defeated and lifeless, there was no trace of a smile, of sadness, of anger, of any emotion on his face. Itachi's Tsukuyomi had ruined him.

The young genin turned his head away from the mirror disgusted by his reflection, grabbed his clothes and dressed himself. He did admit he felt somewhat refreshed after his shower, and he could feel Tsunade's healing effects working, but something inside him still felt off. He dried his hair and tied his headband around his forehead once more before grabbing his bag, opened up the door and walked out of the hospital room. Sakura and Naruto were nowhere to be found. While Sasuke had wished they'd stayed to walk home with him, he was also somewhat relieved at the same time that they'd went on ahead and left, but he couldn't help but feel a twinge of guilt for how he'd treated his friends. It wasn't their fault after all that he'd fallen into the predicament he was in. Sasuke slung his backpack over his shoulders and began making his way toward home.

The sun was beginning to make it's descent in the western sky as Sasuke walked, silently and sullenly, glad that nobody else was around. The only sound that could be heard as he made his way back to his home, was the gentle 'tap, tap, tap' of his shoes on the pavement. He soon found his way back into the familiarity of his bedroom. He dropped his bag on the floor and glanced around. Nothing had honestly changed in the weeks he was laid up in that damned hospital bed yet again. His bed was still perfectly made, the pillows all propped up nice and fresh.

He walked over to the dresser, near where his TV sat, and picked up the framed photo that sat there. It was of himself, Naruto, Sakura and Kakashi-sensei. Team 7. Kakashi had his hands on top of both his and Naruto's heads. He remembered that day they took the photograph, remembered the tantrum Naruto threw about Sasuke being in the photograph, hence why Naruto was angrily glaring at him with his arms childishly folded, while Sakura stood in the center of them, just thrilled by the fact that she got to stand by Sasuke. He remembered how ridiculous she acted that day and all he could do was roll his eyes at how annoying she was being, but in truth, it was something about her that had started to grow on him.

The black haired boy couldn't help but grin feeling a bit amused from the memory. He closed his onyx eyes and shook his head while setting the picture back down. Things had changed so much from back then. He was coming to see these people as a family, truly care for them, wanted to protect them from danger, comfort them though he wasn't good with comforting words himself. He didn't like seeing Naruto or Sakura get hurt during missions. He didn't like seeing Sakura cry, even though it was normally him who made her cry in some way, and Naruto. As of now, he'd never admit, but he saw Naruto as not only his rival, but his equal, and sometimes was even jealous of him because he felt while he struggled with getting stronger, and spent more time than necessary in the hospital because of his struggles, Naruto was off training and getting stronger than ever by the day. He clenched his teeth and walked to the large glass doors, opening them up and stepping out onto the terrace. Naruto was also his best friend, and that's something else he'd never openly admit. He had to keep his pride intact after all.

The sky was a beautiful mixture of various pinks and oranges, while the brillant yellow-white orb was lowering itself to hide behind the grassy green hills surrounded by trees that was Konoha. Sasuke was caught in a sea of memories as he thought about his younger days when life was perfect. The days he spent running and training with his older brother on those rolling hills, running through the trees, playing games, practicing, falling and spraining his ankle, but that was okay with him because it meant that he got to spend more time being with his brother. A deep breeze blew across the village and through Sasuke's long bangs and spiked locks. He sighed and walked back inside. Nobody could even begin to understand the mixture of complex feelings he held for Itachi. He bathed himself in revenge and hatred for his older brother for destroying their clan and taking the lives of everyone there, their very own mother and father included.

What people didn't know is that Sasuke still loved his older brother. When thought about the old times, the memories, and what it felt like being with him it hurt so much he could hardly stand it. Why did he still love Itachi so much after everything they had been through, after everything Itachi had done? But his hatred continued to grow ever stronger. He disinterested his older brother. He was brushed off aside like an annoying fly, a bother, as always and like before when Itachi began distancing himself from the clan. The thought infuriated Sasuke. He stood at the foot of his bed, gritting his teeth, clenching his fists, visably shaken by everything that had happened and the flood of recent memories poured back into him once more. Itachi brutally beating him, throwing him around like a ragdoll, Sasuke still pursuing him no matter what, Itachi grabbing him by throat, Itachi berating him in front of Naruto. He grabbed his bag and pulled out his pack that held his ninja tools and strapped it to his leg, ready to ignore that woman's warnings and go out and train regardless, when he hesitated.

_Foolish little brother. You're not worth killing. _Itachi's smug, cruel voice resounded in his head, and Sasuke yelled in a rage. He grabbed his bag, swung it around and threw it violently across the room. It landed hard against the wall, spilling it's contents all over his bedroom floor, and Sasuke went to his knees at the foot of his bed. He slammed his fists into the covers, not understanding why, after all these years, all of this had to happen. What happened to Itachi? What made him turn like this? Why did Itachi make him watch his clan be slaughtered over and over and over again for 24 hours straight? Why did he want to break him? Why did he torture him?

He grabbed fistfulls of the blankets and squeezed them, causing them to wrinkle and fold underneath his grip. Why after everything did he still love his older brother so much, so hard? Why did he still long for those earlier days when they were all a family and they were happy? Why did he still miss them all so much, even after all these years? Why did Itachi leave him alive but killed everyone else if he hated Sasuke so much? Why did Itachi challenge him to come after him if he just wanted to harm him? Was he just Itachi's plaything? Why was he not the prize the Akatsuki were after, but Naruto was?

Sasuke dropped his head into his arms on his bed, his body slumping in defeat, attempting to hold back the emotions that were beginning to brim to the surface, the emotions he'd held inside for too long, for too many years. Emotions that he never wanted anyone to see. He was Sasuke Uchiha of the once proud Uchiha Clan. He was a shinobi. He did not show emotion. It was one of the rules of the shinobi code. No matter how torn up inside he was, but he wasn't around anyone else now. He was alone, in his room, where it was quiet and the only sounds that could be heard was his heavy breathing at his attempts to compose himself, but it wasn't happening so easily this time. He could feel a prickling sensation behind his eyes, and a burning one in his nose. It had been years since he'd gotten to this point, since he'd let his guard down. The last time he'd been like this was the day after the massacre when he went back home only to find the only remnanets left of his clan were just chalk outlines of where the bodies once lay and the dried up splatters of blood. He'd went to his knees then too, where his parents had once lay.

The young Uchiha closed his eyes hard and tight against the burning sensation as he willed himself not to give into the tears now threatening to spill out of his onyx eyes. He was no whiny crybaby like Sakura and Naruto, and he wasn't about to start being one now. He grabbed his biceps with his hands, as his head lay in his folded arms, and squeezed them hard as Itachi's face flashed before him once more.

_You're still too weak..._

He was weak. He wasn't strong enough to stop his older brother's assault, no matter how much he had longed to get his revenge for his parents and his clan, it did not happen. And no matter how hard he tried, Sasuke couldn't hold back the tears anymore. No matter how hard he had shut his eyes, they leaked out and began sneaking down his arm and falling onto the comforter underneath him. He could hear the sounds of them landing on his blanket underneath him and he let out a quiet sob, his shoulders shaking, his body trembling. For the first time in 6 years since the clan massacre Sasuke Uchiha let himself cry. If only he could turn back the hands of time, if only there were some way to go back to that day, he could warn his younger self what Itachi had planned to do, then perhaps he could change the course of the future. But that was a downright silly and impossible notion.

_You don't have enough hate..._

Maybe he didn't, maybe it was because he still loved his older brother so much that he ached for him to come back, to go back to the way it was. Some masochistic part of himself wanted to see Itachi again, but he wanted to see the eyes of the older brother who had once shown him affection and love. Not the eyes of a cruel, merciless, careless, cold-blooded killer that Itachi had become. He still didn't understand it or what made Itachi turn the way that he did. Maybe he couldn't replace his love for his brother with the hatred that Itachi wanted him to replace it with. The hatred was there, and it was boiling up harder and faster than ever. He could feel his heart slowly being driven toward darkness.

_And do you know something? You never will..._

Hearing those words replaying over and over again his mind made Sasuke's blood boil. Oh he never would, would he? No. He raised his tear-streaked face from his from his arms and stared up at the Uchiha crest hanging on his bedroom wall above his bed. He didn't have time for weakness. He didn't have time for nonsense like this, and he sure as hell didn't have time for ninja games. He was going to allow himself this one week to recoop and get better, but after that, it was back to training and doing anything and everything he possibly, willingly could to get strong enough to destroy Itachi. An image of him killing his older brother flashes through his mind was liberating and he rose to his feet, wiping away the remains of his tears from his face with his wrist.

Now was the time to prove Itachi wrong. He definitely had enough hatred. The deep love that he felt for his brother, he could easily turn that to hatred, and even if that meant cutting all ties with people he loved now; Kakashi-sensei, Naruto and Sakura, then he would do it. They were becoming distractions, pulling him away from what he still had yet to do, and that was kill his older brother to avenge his fallen clan, and then begin the restoration of the Uchiha clan. Even if he had to throw himself headlong into darkness to achieve his goal and make it a reality, he would do so. No more crying, no more childish nonsense, no more messing around, it was time to get down to business. The young Uchiha stood tall, ready to move to the point of no return, ready to make his dive into darkness.


End file.
